Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
