S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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