Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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