bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
