It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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