Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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