so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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