mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
