problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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