Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
