Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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