apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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