if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
