Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Boobs are out for the taking
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
