Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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