Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
