Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
