roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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