You can't motorboat a personality
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
