So drunk its hurt
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
