If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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