Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
