Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
