i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
