I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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