if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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