how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
