Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
sex in a hospital.. check
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
