Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize