a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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