your thong is hanging out like whoa
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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