Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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