It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
