I need to stop coming to work sober
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
