my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
