Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
