I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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