Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
