dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
