The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
