Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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