he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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