It's like a parade of train wrecks.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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