just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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