I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
