You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
