i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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