Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
