I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
