you traded sex for a burrito?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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