My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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