And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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