he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
