just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
