Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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