If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
