If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
