I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
