Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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