U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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