so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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