My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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