his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
