I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and she was petting her beer can
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize