I faked an abortion last night.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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