So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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