Are you still at the party or did I leave?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
