i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
