his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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