the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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