Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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